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Everything I Need to Know About Success, I Learned From My Grandma Billie, Part VI

Successful Women are not afraid to take their seat at the table, or enjoy the meal.

Successful Women are not afraid to take their seat at the table, or enjoy the meal. When my grandmother died, she left me a treasure trove of memorobilia and pictures. Among the items she left me I found some of her writings. Throughout her life she wrote. I found opinion pieces she sent to news papers, poems she wrote to pass the time, and letters to friends and famous people. Soon after she died, I sat down and got to know her in a way that I never did before. I came away with sure of one thing. Billie was determined to leave a mark on the world. Among her writings I found a journal entry Download Barrymore.pdf she wrote concerning a chance encounter with John Barrymore, the early 20th century actor and Drew Barrymore's grandfather. When Billie met Barrymore, she knew that dancing in front of him could be a life changing event. She decided to make the most out of the opportunity. She didn't spend any time thinking about whether she was good enough to dance for him or whether he would appreciate her talents. She was confident enough to know that she was good. So when the spotlight came up on her, she danced like there was no tomorrow and she never regretted a thing.

Everything I need to know about success, I learned from my Grandma Billie, Part V

Successful women have confidence in themselves and others.

Billie knew that truly successful people are confident enough in their own abilities to recognize the talents of others. What distinguishes truly successful people from others is the understanding that success in life is not about competition with others. Successful people recognize other people's talent and nurture it because they are keenly aware that there is enough success in the world for every person willing to work for it. Over the years, Billie taught many dancers. Some dancers took lessons because their parents wanted them to learn. But some of her students had the same fire she had as a child and young adult. When she saw talent and desire, she always did what she could to push them toward their dreams.

One such protege was Jon Le. Billie taught him dance in Indiana. When she saw that he had the talent necessary to perform professionally, she did everything she could to push him to the next level. Download Dunham.pdf Billie was proud to be able to help Le achieve his dream because she knew that he would thrive if given a chance. Through his own hard work and a little bit of Billie's help, Le went on to a long career in dance abroad. Billie followed his career with pride because she knew that his success reflected positively on her abilities as a teacher.

Everything I need to know about success, I learned from my Grandma Billie, Part IV

Taking risks is the only sure way to succeed

Taking risks is the only sure way to succeed When I was in my early twenties, I remember having a conversation about my grandpa Duncan. (he is on the left in the picture) By the time we had this conversation he had been dead for several years but I could tell she missed him. It was then that she told me about there relationship. She told me that a friend of hers introduced them when my father was in his late teens. She told me that she was reluctant about being set up, but when they met for the first time, he told her that he was going to marry her. She replied that she thought he was right. The two went for coffee and a beautiful romance began. Six months later, they were married and she was moving to Michigan to start a new life with her husband. Ever the entrepreneur, once she was in Michigan she opened another studio and a wig shop. By then, times had changed a bit and her studio taught children of all ethnic backgrounds. She also became a civic leader taking leadership roles in her local chamber of commerce.

Billie took calculated risks that put her in a position to succeed. She had enough confidence in herself to take chances along the way because she trusted her instincts and her ability to make sound decisions. I am sure that along the way there were people who told her that she was crazy to take the chances she did, but she was undeterred because she trusted her own judgment. She had no idea where the risks she took would lead her, but she did know that if she wanted to get anywhere she had to take them.

Everything I need to know about success, I learned from my Grandma Billie, Part III

Life is not fair or easy, so spend your time focusing on the real issues.

Billie would want you to know that every life has turbulence. What is important is how you handle the rough patches. Billie spent nine years traveling and performing until she found herself unmarried and pregnant in a time when women were shunned for such behavior. This became a turning point in her life. Rather than abandon her love of dance, she chose to return to her hometown and begin a new chapter of her life. It surely was not easy for her to give up on that part of her dream, but rather than focus on the negative, she found a way to redefine success and excel.

Most mistakes are not catastrophic

Although she could have taken the birth of my dad as a setback or a premature end to her career, Billie decided to move forward. Seeing that young black girls were still barred from the white dance studios in her home town, she decided to open a dance studio. Over the years she must have taught hundreds if not thousands of girls to dance. She did it because she needed to provide for herself and her son, but she also made a conscious decision to stay focused on her love of dance. It was that perseverance that made her a successful business owner in the second act of her career.

Everything I need to know about success, I learned from my Grandma Billie, Part II

Billie's Lesson:  Success is individually defined but universally obvious.

If Billie were here she would tell you that you have to write your own definition of success. When she was a child she decided that she wanted to dance. She was not supposed to be able to become a dancer at the time because she was poor, with little access to formal training and she was not white. But from the moment she decided what success meant for her, she started taking steps toward making it happen. She listened to the little voice within her that gave her purpose and it never let her down. This is important because defining success for yourself is the key to fulfillment.

Billie would also tell you that one trait of successful people is being able to use your background and experiences to your advantage. Billie's path to success was built upon the things she learned as a child growing up in segregated Indiana. She never forgot that she was poor as a child. She never forgot that she was a person of color who was discriminated against. She turned those experience into inspiration for her dance. She used them because they made her different. She used them because they were a part of who she was, and it was those experiences that made her successful.

Everything I need to know about success, I learned from my Grandma Billie, Part I

An Introduction to Billie

About a year ago, I was asked to give a speech on leadership and success for a group of women at a regional grocery store chain. The group was made up of women in leadership roles at all levels of the company from assistant store managers to middle and upper management. When I was initially given the assignment, I drew a blank. I was used to giving speeches about how to prevent discrimination lawsuits and record keeping practices that ensure employment lawsuits can be defended, but this was different. I really had a hard time wrapping my head around what I had to share with the women, many of whom had several years more work experience than I did. I was truly at a loss and the deadline was looming in the horizon.

Around that time I had also just unexpectedly lost my grandmother, Billie Duncan. Her loss left me with profound grief and troubling questions about whether my life was on the right path. I had always looked upon my grandmother for inspiration and guidance about how I could be successful in life. I had taken great pride at the things she was able to achieve despite untold obstacles. She was born in segregated Indianapolis, Indiana in 1913. If she were here, she would tell you that she was practically born dancing because from a very young age she knew she would be a professional dancer. After graduating high school, Billie left Indiana to pursue her dream. That pursuit took her around the country in touring companies, performing in venues like the Cotton Club in Harlem. For nine years, she was a small part of the Harlem Renaissance, dancing along side and meeting such famous artists as Duke Ellington, Cab Calloway, John Barrymore and Orson Wells.

When she died, she left me several scrapbooks full of memorabilia and pictures from her early career that I cherish. Download billie_letter.pdf For two weeks I poured over every self-help book I could think of looking for inspiration, but nothing seemed to resonate. Troubled by my loss and unsure of where I was going with my own life, I really did not feel I had anything to offer others. I halfheartedly put together a few powerpoints from the books I had read, but nothing seemed to resonate. Finally, around midnight, the night before the speech, I started thinking about my grandmother's life and I realized that I could share some of the lessons I had learned from her. I quickly dug up some of her writing and pictures from her early life and drafted a presentation. Fortunately for me, Billie's story had meaning for the women at the grocery chain as well and the speech was a success. I share those lessons in the posts that follow with the hopes that others can benefit from her wisdom.